I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
