I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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