Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
