The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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