white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
