I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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