i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
