After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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