My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
