Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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