i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
