If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
