i think my tv is drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
