So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
