I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
