we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize