Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
