thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
