I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
