i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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