it was like eating out sand paper
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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