when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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