I think my fart just growled at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
