After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
