ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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