it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize