guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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