my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
