So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Small penises have feelings too.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize