im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
