i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
