I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
