Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
