when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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