to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
