Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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