Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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