this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
