I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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