I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
