So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
