I hate all girls vehemently.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
