My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
