I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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