She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
