I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize