I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am available for nakedness
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
