OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
