sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
