i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
