So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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