I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry about my life...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
