Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
