If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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