On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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