Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
