Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
