I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
