I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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