brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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