I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
