This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
