We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
