I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize