ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
