when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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